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Chapter 21: Imagine yourself at you own funeral
“If you could change anything about your life right now, what would it be? Why would you want to make that change?”
Change comes with many different aspects, changing one thing in life can cause a ripple effect, sometimes even one that can destroy a whole man's career. The thing I would change would be one that may change the course of my life as it is. I would go back and change when I was taught to think inside of the box. I used to go to a charter school, which I felt really held me back and I wasn’t able to shine to my true potential. If I did something to the best of my ability, then I was a “try-hard”, which really dimmed my inner light. I would change that point in my life because it taught me many unhealthy habits. Changing myself for others and thinking inside of the box were the two main things. Everyone had different opinions about me and I felt the need to change just for them, but now I like to assume that they were going through something in their personal life and were taking it out on me. I now know that I don’t have to change myself for anyone around me, because there will be those people who love me for who I am. At this point in my life I was also told to think more inside the box, and not to put in my full effort. This really took away from the passion I had at that point in my life. I have learned to gain back my mentality of thinking outside the box, but I still wonder, “Would I be the same person I am today if it hadn’t been for those events?”
Chapter 22: Repeat to Yourself, “Life isn’t an emergency”
Describe a time or moment in your life when you turned something into an emergency that was not a real emergency?
Life is full of many emergencies we create in our minds, but have you ever looked back and thought, “ Wow, I was so young and naive at that point in my life?”, I know I have. The truth is that that’s human nature. Coming into 7th grade at Colony Oak Elementary, was one of those moments where I made an unnecessary circumstance into an emergency. The summer before 7th grade, I remember being so anxious and afraid of going into 7th grade. When I got to the first day of 7th grade, I wasn’t even the only new kid, and everyone was so welcoming. Sometimes I tend to think of life too much in the future when really, it’s okay to live in the present every once in a while.
Chapter 23: “It puts our quieter, softer and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues we have immediate reaction to.”
The back burner in our minds is always there when we need it, whether that be to benefit ourselves or to do more harm to our mental health. The back burner can be used for situations we may not have an immediate reaction for, like the quotes states, or it can be used to procrastinate simple things like work. The quote, “It puts our quieter, softer and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues we have immediate reaction to.”, says that we use the most powerful part of our minds, dwelling on situations that are in the past or are coming up far in the future, that we forget to use in the present. I personally use my backburner a lot. It can be useful to help me sort my priorities, but while doing that it also takes a toll on my mental health.My back burner is constantly getting overheated, to the point where it is about to break. Often I use my back burner worrying about situations that I should leave behind me, or situations that are so far in the future that I shouldn’t be worrying about that. Ultimately my back burner has been my right hand girl, whenever I needed it, it was always there, however using my back burner did not always come out in my favor.
Chapter 24: Spend a Moment Everyday Thinking of Someone to Thank
"Who is the one person you would thank in this moment an why?"
This prompt had me stumped for a little while, not because I didn’t know anyone that I’m grateful for, but because there are so many people that I’m grateful for. So I decided to go back and thank the person who truly made me feel welcome to Ripon, and that person is Mr. V. In 7th grade I was the new kid in Ripon and at Colony Oak, although 7th grade year was great, I still didn’t feel like I was a Colony Oak kid yet. That all changed when I met an amazing teacher and an even better human being in 8th grade. Mr. V didn’t treat me like I was a new kid, but he treated everyone equally and that’s what I love about him. He believed in me when no one else would even give me a chance to shine. Whether it was through grading my English papers or guiding me when I was building my tiny maglev train, Mr. V was always there for me and he still is. He helped me break out of my shell and without him I would not be as extroverted and comfortable in High School. Knowing that he always believed in me made the transition to High School a lot easier, and I will forever be grateful for him and his kindness.
Chapter 25: Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello
"When you read this chapter , regarding eye contact and connect, what are your initial thoughts."
When reading this chapter I thought, wow I do that a lot and a lot of people do it to me. I always smile at random people and say hello, but it wasn’t always that was. In fact, I remember the moment when I decided I would smile at people I didn’t know. I was walking around school when this random girl that I didn’t know smiled at me and said hello. This made me feel seen and appreciated, especially because I was the new kid. Now that girl is one of my best friends. I know how good it feels when someone acknowledges you so I want to make other people feel like that. Some situations can make it awkward, but it makes me feel good when just one person smiles back. You never know what someone is going through, but a simple smile and hello can go such a long way.
Chapter 26: Set Aside Quite Time, Every Day
"When do you find a quite moment in your day, everyday, to just be present and quite."
Finding a quiet moment for myself is really difficult for all that I do. Let’s take yesterday for example, the first thing I did yesterday was go to Gia’s soccer game for 15 minutes as I waited for my mom to pick me up. As soon as my mom picked me up, I got dressed and went to volleyball practice for 2 hours. After I was done with Volleyball practice, I went straight to dance for 3 hours and came home around 10:45. With busy days like these I don’t really have time to take a quiet moment for myself. Even if I don’t have any extracurricular activities to do, my house is usually really loud because of my siblings. Even at night, my little brother sleeps with me so it’s not quite until we both fall asleep. This is why I wake up at 5 in the morning to get some me time. It’s always so peaceful in the morning without any noises from my family. If I didn’t have this time to reset I would be all over the place, because the truth is that my life is very chaotic.
Chapter 27: Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants and as 100 Year Old Adults
"Describe a time you have been frustrated with someone, but "let go" of the situation and moved forward with your life. How did that make you feel?
It’s funny to me that this prompt was brought up because I just recently was so frustrated with someone, but I had to let that go. For dance I am doing this show that is watched by more than 5 million people. The only thing is that it has been scheduled for months and the people who are in charge of the show just sent the song that we have to choreograph a routine on to my coach the day before the event. This left me frustrated because I only had one day to learn a routine and the people were just changing the rules back and forth. I had to let go of this frustration because dancing on a show watched by millions of people is such a good opportunity, and I don’t want my frustration to affect my dancing or my chance of being on T.V. I felt so much better after letting go of the frustration because it just freed up some space in my mind which allowed me to think about more important things. Letting go of frustration feels really good, and it’s something that everyone should do more often.
Chapter 28: Seek First to Understand
Describe a situation where you didn’t seek first to understand. Was there resolution with this conflict?
Although I tell this story many times for laughs, I feel that it is perfect for this question. In sixth grade I was assigned a group for a history project. Obviously being one of the “Good” kids, the teacher paired me with peers who weren’t willing to work, or so I assumed. Going into the project I knew it was going to be difficult, so I just assigned them roles and did most of the work on my own. When it came time to present, I started talking and realized something was off, all the eyes were drawn to the screen rather than to me, the speaker. I turned around and of course they were not my original slides, but rather all of my slides had been replaced with purple sumo wrestlers. We had to do the project over again and I was so mad and was about to unleash all my anger on them, but then I realized that my method wouldn't work, this is because it’s exactly what I did in the beginning and it got me nowhere. I took the time to actually talk to them and it turned out that their family life was way below ideal, so they had no motivation to become the best version of themselves because they lacked the motivation. Because I talked to them, we were able to break the barrier between us and in the end we got an A on the presentation. This was really the first time I learned to not just stand in somebody's shoes and assume, but to actually walk around in them.
Chapter 29: Become a Better Listener
Who is someone that you can genuinely talk to, that you know will listen to you? Describe this relationship.
Moving to Ripon has been one of the best decisions my family has ever made. I have made so many great friends that are always there for me no matter what, but the best listener award definitely goes to James Wilkins. James is the type of friend that I can rant to, the type of friend that will give me advice when I need it, and will just be there to listen if I don’t want any advice. There has never been a time where I would be talking to him and he wasn’t actively listening. I’m not the best listener, but being around James has allowed me to experience the feeling of someone who is actually listening, and by him being there for me, I have also become a better listener. Of course, I am not the best listener and there is tons of room for improvement, but I have improved so much from the beginning, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Chapter 30: Choose your Battles Wisely
Describe a time you “lost you Shhhhh” and in reality it wasn’t worth the energy. How did you feel after the confrontation? Could it have gone differently if you didn’t sweat the small stuff?
One time specifically when I lost my cool was when my “friends'’ back at my old school were talking bad about me behind my back. Instead of holding my ground and being the bigger person, I decided it would be wise to confront them. But by doing so, things only became much worse. It got to the point where we would argue everyday and it was difficult to stay away from them because we had a lot of our classes together. I wasted so much time and energy on them when really I couldn’t control what they were saying. I also realized that I didn’t really respect them, therefore I didn’t value their opinions. I value the opinions of people who treat others with respect and kindness, not the opinions of the girls that were talking behind my back. If I hadn't let their opinions get to me, I could have saved a lot of energy and applied it to something I really cared about. This is one of the lessons that really stuck with me, I can’t control the actions of others, so why should I battle myself over it? High school is definitely tough, but becomes a lot easier when you learn not to sweat the small stuff.
Chapter 31: Be Aware of Your Moods and Don't Allow Yourself to be Fooled by the Low Ones
Explain a time when you were in a bad mood and how it shaped your day, Vise Versa, explain a time when you were in a great mood and discuss the day you had.
It’s fairly easy to wake up on the wrong side of the bed and be in a sour mood. One specific time this happened was when I went on vacation with my family. I know, it may seem like it would be pretty difficult to get mad on vacation, but not for me. Dealing with so many people in my family being loud and all over the place was very frustrating, because not only were there a lot of little kids, but we were also right by a beach and those little kids had to be watched very carefully. Because I chose to be annoyed before the day even stated, my day was already headed into a downward spiral. The trip became less joyous and even more exhausting than the previous day which would be an example of a time I chose to be optimistic. I chose not to let the little things get to me and the day was very fun, after the day I was indeed exhausted, but instead this time it was from having too much fun. I also noticed that it was a lot easier to take care of the little ones while still having a blast.
Chapter 32: Life is a Test. It is Only a Test.
“As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with” right now. Explain your emotions and logic behind this situation. How can you rise above it?
An issue that I am often forced to get through is the lack of time. With the multiple sports I do and all the classes I take, finding time to get everything done to the best of my ability can be very difficult. If I look at this problem as a test I can tell myself, “Life is just trying to test your time management skills”, but the truth is that I don’t want to look at it in that way. The part I do like is the part where I ask myself this, “Why is this problem in my life?” Lack of time is a problem in my life because I have sports and the impeccable ability to procrastinate. Knowing this cause, I can overcome this problem in my life. All I need to do is to stop procrastinating and get things done one at a time throughout the week instead of waiting until the last minute. This would help me feel a lot less stressed and having a better mental state will allow me to be the best version of myself in every aspect of life.
Chapter 33: Praise and Blame are all the Same
You will not please everyone… How does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
The phrase, “You will not please everyone,” is one that me from a few years ago would have been mortified by, but the version of me now couldn't care less about it. That’s because pleasing people drains you mentally and even physically. Trying to make others happy 24/7 only results in your own happiness being drained. Yes, being kind to people is amazing, but there’s a difference between being nice and being a people pleaser. I used to think that everyone needed to like me and I would often change myself for others, but after doing that for a long period of time, one becomes emotionally drained. Something that helped me get out of the endless cycle of people pleasing was surrounding myself with people who appreciated me for always being true to myself. I personally tend to think about the negatives about myself because I’m always trying to improve and we can only grow from our faults. Often we ignore how great we really are and really just need to remember that it doesn’t matter if other people like you, what really matters is if you like yourself.
Chapter 34: Practice Random acts of Kindness
Describe a time when you completed a RAK and how it made you feel.
Random acts of kindness go a long way, not only for the person on the receiving end but for the person performing the random act of kindness as well. One recent act of kindness that I did was making my mom's bed for her. She is a nurse who works 12 hour shifts in the ER and does a lot for my family. Everyday when she leaves for work, she tidies up her room and makes her bed, but on this particular morning she left in quite a rush. I spent no more than 15 minutes cleaning her room and making her bed. Just knowing that she would be exhausted when coming back from work made the surprise even more special. When she walked into her room, she was shocked and so grateful. Not only did it make her night, but it also made me feel good inside. It made me feel like I had impacted at least one person's day in a positive way and that’s all that mattered.