Chapter 49: Resist the urge to CRITICIZE
What is your perspective on one who is critical, talking poorly about another person, lies to feed their ego? Look inward…are you guilty?
Personally I think there's a difference between being critical to help someone and being critical to put another person down. When someone is being critical to feed their own ego, it is super easy to tell because it feels like they are just hating on you for no reason. As a leadership program, we experience criticism often in one form or another. There will always be those kids who say that an event we put on was lame, however their criticism is just to talk down on our program and it really doesn’t help us improve as a whole. Instead, it would be so helpful if someone were to tell us what part exactly about the event we put on needed improvement. Often, those same kids who are criticizing are ones who think that they are too cool for dances and school events in the first place. However, when giving criticism it is really important to read the room in a sense. There are so many factors that go into criticism actually being helpful. This includes, whether the person is receptive to criticism in certain situations, a person can also tend to be overwhelmed by criticism if there is too much and in the end it won’t be helpful. The same piece of criticism can be drastically twisted and turned depending on the event. I often find myself thinking of something to criticize but I have learned that it is just better to keep my critiques to myself. Sometimes when working in a group or team setting and everyone is frustrated it becomes easy to start and point fingers and criticize others. I have experienced this so much during practices for my competition this weekend. We had less than a month to prepare for an international competition and that caused everyone to already be frustrated and on top of that, when people are continuously messing up moves and formations we are quick to critique which causes more frustration. In the end, criticism is a very necessary thing in character growth but it is also situational.
Personally I think there's a difference between being critical to help someone and being critical to put another person down. When someone is being critical to feed their own ego, it is super easy to tell because it feels like they are just hating on you for no reason. As a leadership program, we experience criticism often in one form or another. There will always be those kids who say that an event we put on was lame, however their criticism is just to talk down on our program and it really doesn’t help us improve as a whole. Instead, it would be so helpful if someone were to tell us what part exactly about the event we put on needed improvement. Often, those same kids who are criticizing are ones who think that they are too cool for dances and school events in the first place. However, when giving criticism it is really important to read the room in a sense. There are so many factors that go into criticism actually being helpful. This includes, whether the person is receptive to criticism in certain situations, a person can also tend to be overwhelmed by criticism if there is too much and in the end it won’t be helpful. The same piece of criticism can be drastically twisted and turned depending on the event. I often find myself thinking of something to criticize but I have learned that it is just better to keep my critiques to myself. Sometimes when working in a group or team setting and everyone is frustrated it becomes easy to start and point fingers and criticize others. I have experienced this so much during practices for my competition this weekend. We had less than a month to prepare for an international competition and that caused everyone to already be frustrated and on top of that, when people are continuously messing up moves and formations we are quick to critique which causes more frustration. In the end, criticism is a very necessary thing in character growth but it is also situational.
Chapter 50: write down your five most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them
Where do you find stubbornness in yourself? Describe in detail.
When I truly look for stubbornness in myself I often find that it strongly correlates with my morals but also my fear of disappointing people. First going off my morals, I have very high standards when it comes to many aspects of my life. This may stem from the way I was raised or maybe from all of the movies I watch but my morals are how they are and they won’t budge. People will often say that at times I’m stubborn because I have to have everything done my way. I am very much someone who doesn’t like letting people down. One of my biggest pet peeves is being late. Growing up in an Indian household, it is inevitable to always be late. In the mornings before school I am always the one that is telling everyone to get in the car so we aren’t late and my family calls me stubborn and they tell me that I always want things my way, but in the end if things get done I don’t see what the problem is. In high school, people will try to get you to do things using peer pressure and then call you stubborn if you reject them but if I don’t feel comfortable doing something, then I am not going to do it. Stubbornness is not a bad quality in my opinion, rather it is one that a strong leader needs so that they are not a pushover and that is super important.
When I truly look for stubbornness in myself I often find that it strongly correlates with my morals but also my fear of disappointing people. First going off my morals, I have very high standards when it comes to many aspects of my life. This may stem from the way I was raised or maybe from all of the movies I watch but my morals are how they are and they won’t budge. People will often say that at times I’m stubborn because I have to have everything done my way. I am very much someone who doesn’t like letting people down. One of my biggest pet peeves is being late. Growing up in an Indian household, it is inevitable to always be late. In the mornings before school I am always the one that is telling everyone to get in the car so we aren’t late and my family calls me stubborn and they tell me that I always want things my way, but in the end if things get done I don’t see what the problem is. In high school, people will try to get you to do things using peer pressure and then call you stubborn if you reject them but if I don’t feel comfortable doing something, then I am not going to do it. Stubbornness is not a bad quality in my opinion, rather it is one that a strong leader needs so that they are not a pushover and that is super important.
Chapter 51:Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch it Go Away)
Describe a time when someone criticized you and discuss the emotions felt behind these comments. What do you think about the author's idea to accept the criticism?
When I think of times where I have been criticized, I often think back to dance and all the criticism I have received on that end. Because I started dancing when I was super little, there has always been room for improvement. In my younger classes our coach was more nice about it because we were just kids, but now it is a completely different story. If we are doing something wrong he is not afraid to tell us and I am very thankful for it. In the moment that I am getting criticized I always feel overwhelmed and sad overall, but those experiences have really allowed me to grow not only as a dancer but as a person as well. At the moment, criticism is never fun but it is the end result that is worth it. I understand the point of view of where the author is coming from, but I feel that if you always accept criticism then people will use it to walk all over you which can be a bad thing so in that sense I disagree with him. Not everyone is always trying to help you improve and it is really important to differentiate those intentions.
When I think of times where I have been criticized, I often think back to dance and all the criticism I have received on that end. Because I started dancing when I was super little, there has always been room for improvement. In my younger classes our coach was more nice about it because we were just kids, but now it is a completely different story. If we are doing something wrong he is not afraid to tell us and I am very thankful for it. In the moment that I am getting criticized I always feel overwhelmed and sad overall, but those experiences have really allowed me to grow not only as a dancer but as a person as well. At the moment, criticism is never fun but it is the end result that is worth it. I understand the point of view of where the author is coming from, but I feel that if you always accept criticism then people will use it to walk all over you which can be a bad thing so in that sense I disagree with him. Not everyone is always trying to help you improve and it is really important to differentiate those intentions.
Chapter 52: Search for the Grain of Truth in Other Opinion
Describe a moment when someone shared their opinion that you didn't agree with, but was willing to listen and hear a different perspective. How did the overall conversations go?
Leadership has taught me a lot about listening to outside opinions that I may not agree with. One example I have was from this year during homecoming. We all had different opinions on what the homecoming theme should be and that caused conflicts. Instead of arguing my side, I tried to understand why other people thought a different theme was better and that led to the tensions being decreased. The overall conversation was much more pleasant than having everyone just yell over each other. In those types of conversations, no one is ever really heard and that can hinder the group so listening to other perspectives is super crucial.
Leadership has taught me a lot about listening to outside opinions that I may not agree with. One example I have was from this year during homecoming. We all had different opinions on what the homecoming theme should be and that caused conflicts. Instead of arguing my side, I tried to understand why other people thought a different theme was better and that led to the tensions being decreased. The overall conversation was much more pleasant than having everyone just yell over each other. In those types of conversations, no one is ever really heard and that can hinder the group so listening to other perspectives is super crucial.