Chapter 35
Looking Beyond Behavior
In your own words, describe the meaning of loving-kindness
In my opinion, the meaning of loving and kindness is not a short one sentence answer. Instead, it’s more than words can describe. Being loving and kind is being nice to everyone around you, it’s being the caring person that you want other people to be for you. Being loving is always having a person's back even when they are at their lowest. We never know what is going on in a person's life so it is very important to always be loving and kind to everyone. Even if you don’t want to be a good person for the other person, be a good person for yourself. People who have been kind and loving have pushed me to believe in myself and to keep going when I’m in the lowest hole. I remember those people and get close to them because they are the ones that are going to stick with me through thick and thin, they are the ones that don’t talk behind my back because they were raised to be kind and loving. Those types of people are the ones I think of when I encounter a difficult person, and it’s because of them that I always strive to be my best.
In your own words, describe the meaning of loving-kindness
In my opinion, the meaning of loving and kindness is not a short one sentence answer. Instead, it’s more than words can describe. Being loving and kind is being nice to everyone around you, it’s being the caring person that you want other people to be for you. Being loving is always having a person's back even when they are at their lowest. We never know what is going on in a person's life so it is very important to always be loving and kind to everyone. Even if you don’t want to be a good person for the other person, be a good person for yourself. People who have been kind and loving have pushed me to believe in myself and to keep going when I’m in the lowest hole. I remember those people and get close to them because they are the ones that are going to stick with me through thick and thin, they are the ones that don’t talk behind my back because they were raised to be kind and loving. Those types of people are the ones I think of when I encounter a difficult person, and it’s because of them that I always strive to be my best.
Chapter 36
See the Innocence
What occurs when we practice compassion towards others and let go of “their” story, rather than be caught up in the drama of a situation?
One phrase that came to mind when reading this question was, hating someone takes as much if not more room in your mind. When you hate someone, they are still in your conscious and causing you stress, so why not just let it go. We as humans tend to hold so many grudges towards each other and those grudges take up our energy. Many cases are just of pity drama and can easily be fixed if we take off our goggles and free ourselves of the entitlement we have. So many problems arise because so many people don’t want to take off their goggles of bias and hatred. If these goggles are put aside for a few moments we will be able to see a world that is less hate filled.
On the other hand there are some situations where we can’t give the other person credit. This is because sometimes giving people passes allows them to step all over you. We have to be smart in this world. We can’t just trust that everyone has our best interests at heart all the time. There are people in this world that wish nothing but evil on us and those are the people we have to be careful of. Some people may think that it is dramatic to sever ties with a person, but really it's not when really that person is causing you mental damage. We live in a weird society. I wish I could say that everyone is going to have your best interest at heart, but that simply is not true.
What occurs when we practice compassion towards others and let go of “their” story, rather than be caught up in the drama of a situation?
One phrase that came to mind when reading this question was, hating someone takes as much if not more room in your mind. When you hate someone, they are still in your conscious and causing you stress, so why not just let it go. We as humans tend to hold so many grudges towards each other and those grudges take up our energy. Many cases are just of pity drama and can easily be fixed if we take off our goggles and free ourselves of the entitlement we have. So many problems arise because so many people don’t want to take off their goggles of bias and hatred. If these goggles are put aside for a few moments we will be able to see a world that is less hate filled.
On the other hand there are some situations where we can’t give the other person credit. This is because sometimes giving people passes allows them to step all over you. We have to be smart in this world. We can’t just trust that everyone has our best interests at heart all the time. There are people in this world that wish nothing but evil on us and those are the people we have to be careful of. Some people may think that it is dramatic to sever ties with a person, but really it's not when really that person is causing you mental damage. We live in a weird society. I wish I could say that everyone is going to have your best interest at heart, but that simply is not true.
Chapter 37
Choose Being Kind Over Being Right
Define equanimity. Do you practice this in your life? Look at your ego first, before you answer.
Equanimity in simple terms is keeping you calm and staying composed. This accounts for everyday life but is most crucial in dire situations. For example, the 24 hour rule. This is a rule that I personally follow. This rule is in place to make sure that no words come out of a person's mind or are communicated in another form that they might regret later on. Basically in order to abide by this rule, if you are mad or upset with someone, you take 24 hours to think about how they made you feel and reflect about yourself in said situation. After taking the time to recollect yourself, you come back with a fresh mind and are able to think before you say, This is a really important concept in my life that I stick to, to make sure I practice equanimity in life. It’s really easy to get caught up in the moment and blurt things out that we don’t really mean and following the 24 hour rule helps to keep an even temper. Everyone should practice equanimity in their lives and it’s definitely one of the core aspects to healthy relationships and overall a healthy life.
Define equanimity. Do you practice this in your life? Look at your ego first, before you answer.
Equanimity in simple terms is keeping you calm and staying composed. This accounts for everyday life but is most crucial in dire situations. For example, the 24 hour rule. This is a rule that I personally follow. This rule is in place to make sure that no words come out of a person's mind or are communicated in another form that they might regret later on. Basically in order to abide by this rule, if you are mad or upset with someone, you take 24 hours to think about how they made you feel and reflect about yourself in said situation. After taking the time to recollect yourself, you come back with a fresh mind and are able to think before you say, This is a really important concept in my life that I stick to, to make sure I practice equanimity in life. It’s really easy to get caught up in the moment and blurt things out that we don’t really mean and following the 24 hour rule helps to keep an even temper. Everyone should practice equanimity in their lives and it’s definitely one of the core aspects to healthy relationships and overall a healthy life.
Chapter 38
Tell Three People (Today) That you Love Them
In picking three people, who would you choose and why them?
The first person I would choose would be my mom. I feel like I don’t tell my mom I love her as much as I should. The reason for this is that I just assume that she knows I love her, which she does, but I think everyone needs that reassurance from their loved one. Another reason I would pick her would be that she has sacrificed so much for me. For example, just last year she worked extra shifts just so I could play club volleyball. She is my biggest fan and always supports me through thick and thin. The second person I chose is my dad. Again, I feel like I don’t tell him I love him as much as I should. My dad also does a lot of little things behind the scenes and those things all add up big time. Sometimes I’m so stressed that I forget to tell both of my parents that I love them and I really need to tell them that I love them more often. The third person I would tell that I love would be Gia. She had always been there for me since day one, literally. We don’t always get along, but we do have a very tight bond. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through half the things I’ve been through if it wasn’t for her. She is my number one supporter and pushes me to work harder every day. I don’t really tell her I love her that often and that’s something that I want to change. All three of these people are so important to me and I don’t know how I would navigate this world without them.
In picking three people, who would you choose and why them?
The first person I would choose would be my mom. I feel like I don’t tell my mom I love her as much as I should. The reason for this is that I just assume that she knows I love her, which she does, but I think everyone needs that reassurance from their loved one. Another reason I would pick her would be that she has sacrificed so much for me. For example, just last year she worked extra shifts just so I could play club volleyball. She is my biggest fan and always supports me through thick and thin. The second person I chose is my dad. Again, I feel like I don’t tell him I love him as much as I should. My dad also does a lot of little things behind the scenes and those things all add up big time. Sometimes I’m so stressed that I forget to tell both of my parents that I love them and I really need to tell them that I love them more often. The third person I would tell that I love would be Gia. She had always been there for me since day one, literally. We don’t always get along, but we do have a very tight bond. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through half the things I’ve been through if it wasn’t for her. She is my number one supporter and pushes me to work harder every day. I don’t really tell her I love her that often and that’s something that I want to change. All three of these people are so important to me and I don’t know how I would navigate this world without them.
Chapter 39
Practice Humility
Describe a time when you saw an individual or a group lack humility. How did that make you feel about said individual/ group?
I’ve had so many people in my life that like to brag about all of their accomplishments. Yes, it makes sense to be proud of your accomplishments, but there is a fine line that sometimes gets blurred in the minds of these people. Bringing up an accomplishment once or twice is amazing, but when it becomes a person's whole personality is when it just becomes too much. Trust me, I tell my good friends about my accomplishments but that’s because they have seen how hard I’ve worked to be where I am. That’s another thing I think one needs to consider when bragging about accomplishment, relationships.
Now to answer the actual prompt. When I witness a person or a group having a lack of humility it just makes me feel irritated. In dance, when we won we didn’t go up to the other teams and shove our trophies in their faces, instead we kept our happiness within our team and celebrated when we got to our students. But other teams, at different competitions can be very self absorbed and cocky. This leads to people trying to avoid them because they seem snobby. No one ever wants to be around groups and people who are always making them feel bad about their accomplishments.
Describe a time when you saw an individual or a group lack humility. How did that make you feel about said individual/ group?
I’ve had so many people in my life that like to brag about all of their accomplishments. Yes, it makes sense to be proud of your accomplishments, but there is a fine line that sometimes gets blurred in the minds of these people. Bringing up an accomplishment once or twice is amazing, but when it becomes a person's whole personality is when it just becomes too much. Trust me, I tell my good friends about my accomplishments but that’s because they have seen how hard I’ve worked to be where I am. That’s another thing I think one needs to consider when bragging about accomplishment, relationships.
Now to answer the actual prompt. When I witness a person or a group having a lack of humility it just makes me feel irritated. In dance, when we won we didn’t go up to the other teams and shove our trophies in their faces, instead we kept our happiness within our team and celebrated when we got to our students. But other teams, at different competitions can be very self absorbed and cocky. This leads to people trying to avoid them because they seem snobby. No one ever wants to be around groups and people who are always making them feel bad about their accomplishments.
.Chapter 40
When in Doubt About Whose Turn it is to Take out the Trash, go Ahead and Take it Out
What is your perspective/opinion on this article? Is it valid or a waste of time?
In my opinion, I believe that his article is trying to make a valid point but it is leaving out a lot of valuable information. I have no problem helping someone out, but there are different circumstances. For example, if you do too much for a person without them putting in any effort to help you, then you are letting them step right over you. Everyone told me when I was little that I had to be careful of being too kind and helpful, people would step right over me. This is true. There are those people in this world that respect me for what I do for them, but there are other people that when I do something for them, they will expect me to do it again with nothing in return. To me this is unacceptable because it shows me that they have no respect for me as a person, instead they think that they can walk all over me. Another thing to take into account is their tone of voice when asking for help. I am always willing to help Gia because I know how much work she has to do and she asks for help nicely. My brother, on the other hand, always had a rude tone in his voice and was never even grateful when I helped him, so why would I help him? Another valid point is that I myself have a lot on my plate. I barely manage everything I have to do and if I added another person's responsibilities to that list, I would never make it to the end of my to-do list. In the end, it’s not as simple as just taking out the trash for someone, it means a lot more than that.
What is your perspective/opinion on this article? Is it valid or a waste of time?
In my opinion, I believe that his article is trying to make a valid point but it is leaving out a lot of valuable information. I have no problem helping someone out, but there are different circumstances. For example, if you do too much for a person without them putting in any effort to help you, then you are letting them step right over you. Everyone told me when I was little that I had to be careful of being too kind and helpful, people would step right over me. This is true. There are those people in this world that respect me for what I do for them, but there are other people that when I do something for them, they will expect me to do it again with nothing in return. To me this is unacceptable because it shows me that they have no respect for me as a person, instead they think that they can walk all over me. Another thing to take into account is their tone of voice when asking for help. I am always willing to help Gia because I know how much work she has to do and she asks for help nicely. My brother, on the other hand, always had a rude tone in his voice and was never even grateful when I helped him, so why would I help him? Another valid point is that I myself have a lot on my plate. I barely manage everything I have to do and if I added another person's responsibilities to that list, I would never make it to the end of my to-do list. In the end, it’s not as simple as just taking out the trash for someone, it means a lot more than that.
Chapter 41
Avoid Weatherproofing
Do you Weatherproof? Explain.
Weatherproofing to me is something that is just full of downsides, but that isn’t to say that I have never done it. I most certainly have looked at something or someone when I am in a bad mood and found every single negative thing about them,, but I try not to do it often. If I notice something about someone who is really close to me and someone I know won’t be mad if I critique them a tiny bit, I’ll let them know what they can work on. But these are small suggestions and they don’t happen very often, rather when someone asks for a critique. I feel like when weatherproofing, even though you may think that you are clearing those baths with sunshine, a big storm cloud develops in your brain. When looking at all the negatives to people and things, you may be able to “fix” them, but it just takes so much energy out of you. I can barely keep myself from falling apart let alone all the other people in my life. I simply do not have the time to weatherproof every single thing and person in my life.
Do you Weatherproof? Explain.
Weatherproofing to me is something that is just full of downsides, but that isn’t to say that I have never done it. I most certainly have looked at something or someone when I am in a bad mood and found every single negative thing about them,, but I try not to do it often. If I notice something about someone who is really close to me and someone I know won’t be mad if I critique them a tiny bit, I’ll let them know what they can work on. But these are small suggestions and they don’t happen very often, rather when someone asks for a critique. I feel like when weatherproofing, even though you may think that you are clearing those baths with sunshine, a big storm cloud develops in your brain. When looking at all the negatives to people and things, you may be able to “fix” them, but it just takes so much energy out of you. I can barely keep myself from falling apart let alone all the other people in my life. I simply do not have the time to weatherproof every single thing and person in my life.
Chapter 42
Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone you Love
Who do you choose to send love to in this moment?
Currently I am listening to the song, “This is what love feels like”, I just thought that it was such an interesting coincidence. Anyway, someone I choose to love in this moment is my brother. Life would be honestly so different without him. In times of stress and tension, his giggles always bring everyone together again. I love him so much, and I loved him from the moment he was born. He always pulls me out of a bad mood and I just want him to know how much I love him. I constantly tell him how much I love him, but I can never express my love for him too much. He deserves the best childhood, and I want to make sure that he has a childhood that isn’t full of bad memories. So I choose to send my love his way.
Who do you choose to send love to in this moment?
Currently I am listening to the song, “This is what love feels like”, I just thought that it was such an interesting coincidence. Anyway, someone I choose to love in this moment is my brother. Life would be honestly so different without him. In times of stress and tension, his giggles always bring everyone together again. I love him so much, and I loved him from the moment he was born. He always pulls me out of a bad mood and I just want him to know how much I love him. I constantly tell him how much I love him, but I can never express my love for him too much. He deserves the best childhood, and I want to make sure that he has a childhood that isn’t full of bad memories. So I choose to send my love his way.
Chapter 43
Become an Anthropologist
Reflect on the following, “Judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be”
Judging others is an action that takes an unnecessary amount of energy away from a person and their own self growth. We judge other people, we are taking inspiration from our own insecurities. Judging others,as I mentioned earlier, limits self growth. Every second that we spend judging others is a second that is taken from self improvement. Overall, judging puts so much weight on an individual. One thing that is the worst about being a judgemental person is that you will drive the people that are closest to you away. For me personally, when I am feeling low or stressed out, the people around me are the ones that help pull me out of the slump. Being judgmental is an endless cycle that never ends. Being judgmental drives people away, the less people you have as comfort, the more you judge, and the more you judge, the more people go away. That;s why judging requires an unnecessary amount of energy. On the other hand, judgment can also be used for good. For example, judging a situation can prevent danger, but judgment should never be aimed towards people in a negative way.
Reflect on the following, “Judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be”
Judging others is an action that takes an unnecessary amount of energy away from a person and their own self growth. We judge other people, we are taking inspiration from our own insecurities. Judging others,as I mentioned earlier, limits self growth. Every second that we spend judging others is a second that is taken from self improvement. Overall, judging puts so much weight on an individual. One thing that is the worst about being a judgemental person is that you will drive the people that are closest to you away. For me personally, when I am feeling low or stressed out, the people around me are the ones that help pull me out of the slump. Being judgmental is an endless cycle that never ends. Being judgmental drives people away, the less people you have as comfort, the more you judge, and the more you judge, the more people go away. That;s why judging requires an unnecessary amount of energy. On the other hand, judgment can also be used for good. For example, judging a situation can prevent danger, but judgment should never be aimed towards people in a negative way.
Chapter 44
Understand Different Realities
Why is it important to see the differences among one another in our small intimate circle to cultures around the world?
Seeing the world around us, there is a lot to take in and most of the time we are really quick to judge. Taking a step back can really help us understand other people's ways of living. I experienced this when I went to India a couple years back. Even though my parents were both born in India, it was my first time ever going to India. Going to India is such a culture shock. I had to learn many new ways of doing things. I went to some really poor places in India and at first I thought that some of the things that they did were weird. After a while, I realized that they were just being resourceful and actually smart. This is the key part of seeing the differences around the world, it’s a learning opportunity. From just observing I learned so many new skills that I would've never seen if I didn’t take the opportunity to understand different cultures. Another reason why it’s so important to understand other cultures is because it helps you understand your environment. Walking into an unknown environment is the worst thing that you can do. But by understanding other cultures, you are able to analyze your environment and ensure your safety and all of those around you.
Why is it important to see the differences among one another in our small intimate circle to cultures around the world?
Seeing the world around us, there is a lot to take in and most of the time we are really quick to judge. Taking a step back can really help us understand other people's ways of living. I experienced this when I went to India a couple years back. Even though my parents were both born in India, it was my first time ever going to India. Going to India is such a culture shock. I had to learn many new ways of doing things. I went to some really poor places in India and at first I thought that some of the things that they did were weird. After a while, I realized that they were just being resourceful and actually smart. This is the key part of seeing the differences around the world, it’s a learning opportunity. From just observing I learned so many new skills that I would've never seen if I didn’t take the opportunity to understand different cultures. Another reason why it’s so important to understand other cultures is because it helps you understand your environment. Walking into an unknown environment is the worst thing that you can do. But by understanding other cultures, you are able to analyze your environment and ensure your safety and all of those around you.
Chapter 45
Develop Your Own Helping Rituals
“What are some ways you can help the spread of kindness towards others?”
Making someone's day does not require a lot of energy, it’s the simple little things that make the biggest impact. Some easy ways I like to spread kindness everyday consist of giving compliments, smiling, and asking simple questions like “How has your day been?”. Giving a compliment to someone really takes no energy at all. A compliment doesn’t have to be something very extravagant, it can be something such as complimenting their outfit or hair. I try to give at least three compliments a day if not more. Another way I spread kindness is by smiling at people when I’m walking around campus. You never know what someone is going through and a simple smile may be just what they need to turn their bad day into a good one. Finally, I love to spread kindness by asking simple questions. This shows that you genuinely care for someone. I know that when I am having a not so great day, I always find it comforting when the people around me care enough to ask if I need anything. Once again, spreading kindness doesn’t take much energy. There is always power in the little things.
“What are some ways you can help the spread of kindness towards others?”
Making someone's day does not require a lot of energy, it’s the simple little things that make the biggest impact. Some easy ways I like to spread kindness everyday consist of giving compliments, smiling, and asking simple questions like “How has your day been?”. Giving a compliment to someone really takes no energy at all. A compliment doesn’t have to be something very extravagant, it can be something such as complimenting their outfit or hair. I try to give at least three compliments a day if not more. Another way I spread kindness is by smiling at people when I’m walking around campus. You never know what someone is going through and a simple smile may be just what they need to turn their bad day into a good one. Finally, I love to spread kindness by asking simple questions. This shows that you genuinely care for someone. I know that when I am having a not so great day, I always find it comforting when the people around me care enough to ask if I need anything. Once again, spreading kindness doesn’t take much energy. There is always power in the little things.
Chapter 46
Everyday, Tell at Least One Person Something you Like, Admire, or Appreciate About Them”
“Give someone a compliment via text message or DM. Who did you choose and how did it make you feel to support another person?”
The person I chose to give a compliment to was Rylee Dumlao also known as my best friend. The reason I chose her is because she has been with me through thick and thin. Whenever I need help or advice she is the first person I go to and I can count on her to always be there for me. Whenever I am upset, she makes me feel happy and when I am happy, she makes me happier. No matter what, I can always count on her for anything. The compliment I gave her was that she is genuinely one of the funniest people I have met. I have never actually told her this and it made her so happy. She responded with, “awwwww thank you and I LOVE YOU”. It really made her day and I am so glad that this was the prompt for this book study because it really helped me make her day. Not only did it make her feel loved, but it also made me feel really good about myself because I was able to make someone else’s day. I also got a compliment in return and overall my conversation with her really brightened up my tiring day.
“Give someone a compliment via text message or DM. Who did you choose and how did it make you feel to support another person?”
The person I chose to give a compliment to was Rylee Dumlao also known as my best friend. The reason I chose her is because she has been with me through thick and thin. Whenever I need help or advice she is the first person I go to and I can count on her to always be there for me. Whenever I am upset, she makes me feel happy and when I am happy, she makes me happier. No matter what, I can always count on her for anything. The compliment I gave her was that she is genuinely one of the funniest people I have met. I have never actually told her this and it made her so happy. She responded with, “awwwww thank you and I LOVE YOU”. It really made her day and I am so glad that this was the prompt for this book study because it really helped me make her day. Not only did it make her feel loved, but it also made me feel really good about myself because I was able to make someone else’s day. I also got a compliment in return and overall my conversation with her really brightened up my tiring day.
Chapter 47
Argue for Your Limitations, and They’re Yours
“Discuss a time where you had self doubt and set self limitations on yourself. How did you or how can you change this behavior?”
I have told myself I can’t do it in many situations throughout the past couple of years. One of the biggest ways I limited myself was through creative art projects. While decorating for homecoming and winterfest these past couple years I have always told myself before starting a project that I can’t do it and that I will just mess it up. I was so lucky to have such a supportive group of people around me that pushed me to believe in myself. And so, I simply tried and the parts of the decoration I was responsible for actually turned out really well. I always have given myself the short end of the stick when it comes to anything related to art. I have learned to not doubt myself. The biggest thing that stopped me from trying was the fear of failing and letting my class down. I was able to realize that it is okay to mess up because nobody's perfect. This allowed me to reach various creative lengths and come so far throughout these past two years.
“Discuss a time where you had self doubt and set self limitations on yourself. How did you or how can you change this behavior?”
I have told myself I can’t do it in many situations throughout the past couple of years. One of the biggest ways I limited myself was through creative art projects. While decorating for homecoming and winterfest these past couple years I have always told myself before starting a project that I can’t do it and that I will just mess it up. I was so lucky to have such a supportive group of people around me that pushed me to believe in myself. And so, I simply tried and the parts of the decoration I was responsible for actually turned out really well. I always have given myself the short end of the stick when it comes to anything related to art. I have learned to not doubt myself. The biggest thing that stopped me from trying was the fear of failing and letting my class down. I was able to realize that it is okay to mess up because nobody's perfect. This allowed me to reach various creative lengths and come so far throughout these past two years.